First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
