I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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