One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You pole danced in your parka.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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