bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dear god my vagina.
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