i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
