My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
