No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
