Nicole vs. Life
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
