Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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