Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
