I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
