i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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