So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
