I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
