It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
love makes seman taste better
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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