She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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