I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
