i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
