You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this boner is exhausting
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
