I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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