Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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