Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
