I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
