what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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