This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just want nice things and good sex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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