she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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