All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
