He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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