Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
