$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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