So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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