we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How external is "for external use only"?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
