I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
