Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His hands were made for my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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