How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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