sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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