Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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