i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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