Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
