You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
