I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
