I want to walk on stilts...naked
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
