I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
