i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
