one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
