Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
