she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
