You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
