Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
