omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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