Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I could fuck to npr.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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