I accidentally had phone sex last night
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
