I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
is it fun? or sober?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
