Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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