There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize