also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
