That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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