trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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