butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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