I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize