I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
