dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
