Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
