i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think my moral compass just broke
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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