Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
