i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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