Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
